Off the Record – Chancellor of the Exchequer
A couple of people have suggested I provide an update as to the journey of my little boy – particularly following the “I gotta pee” incident at St Paul’s Cathedral. Well, there was a moment a couple of nights ago when the “make-it-up-as-you-go-along-strategy-for-parenting” came up blank. I had a meeting in the middle of the day, and then we’d all travelled for several hours by car before checking in to the hotel in the early evening. Now since leaving London two weeks ago we’ve been staying in very basic hotel rooms, with no cooking facilities, not even a fridge. This has meant two weeks of ‘back to back’ eating “out”, and that can present challenges for five year old “fussy eaters”. In the absence of any energy to go searching for another “family friendly” restaurant that serves anything with copious amounts of tomato sauce, we ventured down to the hotel’s open buffet hoping to find something nutritious with sauce. I then spent the best part of the next hour trying to encourage my little boy to eat something – anything – preferable something filling so that at bed time I wouldn’t hear the “I’m hungry” call, which more often than not is a cleverly designed strategy to delay the onset of sleep. But I had noticed that he hadn’t eaten much all day, and I was practically offering to do the chewing for him, if he’d eat something. Frustrated at my lack of success, I wandered off and approached the cashier to pay for the meals, “Can I pay for two adults and one child, please”. The cashier smiled, took my GBP30 pounds, and then gave me too much change back. Owning up immediately and offering some money back, she said, “It’s okay, the young’en didn’t eat much”. At the time I was unable to see the kind gesture for what it was and considered bleating out, “Oh, you think!”. But before I had the chance to be unnecessarily sarcastic, a man, who later identified himself as an Indian, jumped the payment queue and began kissing the forehead of my child, who had snuck up behind me and was now standing in my shadow. I was not sure how to react, so I stood there in stunned silence, as the man, with an incredibly thick Indian accent, explained that my little man was a “beautiful child, and that kids in his country are incredibly poor” – well that is what I think he said, between more kisses to my kid’s forehead, who was taking it all in his stride. In fact, nothing much worries him, the complete opposite to his highly strung male guardian. I was bordering on intervening when the situation became even more surreal. The Indian man pulled out his wallet and started to present money to my little man, who took it with both hands like Dicken’s “Oliver”. Still stunned into silence by what was happening, I observed a waiter walk by and comment, “Oh, he gets bigger tips than I do!”. At that point, I conjured up a smile and indicated to the kind man that he did not need to do that, and gestured for the money to be handed back. But my little man pocketed it, said thank you, and inspired the Indian to begin again, finding more notes and words of praise. My partner engaged the man in conversation and the incident was eventually dissolved- with the man refusing to take his money back.
On the way back to the hotel room, I was trying to digest what had just unfolded, but my thoughts were interrupted when my little fella pulled the notes out of his pocket and declared that they were not “English pounds”. Looking closely at his new found riches, I spotted George Washington’s head and worked out that they were American one dollar bills. Now prior to our arrival in the UK my child had not shown any interest in currencies of any kind, but he has obviously watched all the transactions that we have made in the UK to declare, “I can’t spend these here. Will you buy them off me?” I looked at the little international merchant in the making, and quipped “at what exchange rate?”. “Umm, ten pounds”, he spouted enthusiastically. I raised my eyebrows, his Mum laughed, “You asked for it”, and now I’m the proud owner of three US dollars.
Excellent!